Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sucker Punch in the Wrinkle - June 2010

So, today I learned the mystery of a Walmart Buggynapper that I encountered a couple of weeks ago when I was at the Madison Walmart. A man took a buggy out of my hands as I secured it from the buggy cave. He did so as he was complaining to me about a woman parked in the sick kid spot who he thought obviously did not have sick kids because of her business of returns. I was confused as to how a person that is obviously offended by rudeness and gall could so easily take what was mine without a thought. Now, I know. He thought I was a greeter. I know this b/c as I checked out at Publix today the "girl" - I can call her that - asked me if I would be enjoying the senior discount today.... I will give you a minute to gasp and collect yourself... I KNOW!!! Ok now, I've been asked if my kids were my grandkids, but I was not offended b/c I told myself that there are grandmas in their early 40's. But, this ranks up there with being asked if you are pregnant when you are not and a few years ago I got asked that a lot, but have not in while.... which leads back to the senior discount inquiry.
Senior discounts have specific age requirements, not like being a grandma where it is more of a range. But to receive a senior discount there is a line over which you must have crossed. When she asked me that, I stammered a bit, and grinned to myself and just said "no, thank you.", then tried not to laugh out loud for fear of embarrassing her. WHY!!!, and why did I not take the discount for emotional damage compensation.
It took the receipt an eternity to print out. The longer I stood there, the older I did get! I felt the wrinkles in my face deepen, my double chin doubled again. I just tapped my brown-spotted hand on the counter waiting to sign and tried not to look directly at her. As I stood there, not breathing in order to hold in my gut as much as possible, I did take comfort in knowing that I could have put a hurt on her if I wanted to. I could, actually squash her little abercrombie butt if I could be quick enough to get over the counter before she ran. But, my back has a kink in it today, and I kind of needed to go potty, and since I had been holding my breath I felt light-headed. So, to mount the Publix counter would have only proven her point. I thought it less harmful to both of us to keep my artillery in the holster again. Because I know you want to know, the Publix senior age requirement is 60+.

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